remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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