You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
