Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He better not be in your backpack
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
