Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
