nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Where is the hickey?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
