just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
