So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
