Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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