you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
