i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
