Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
