This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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