dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
