Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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