I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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