can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
