oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
