I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
