jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
