OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
