thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
