he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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