The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
