I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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