id be glad to
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
