Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you would pick up someone in the library
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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