Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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