in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
only if we run a train.
done.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
