dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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