Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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