Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You kept calling me your small dog last night.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"

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(903): View more from Texas

I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.

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(917): View more from New York City

Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.

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(904): View more from Florida

Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home

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