the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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