do herpes really smell.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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