I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
