Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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