he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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