I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
