I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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