i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
