She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
