Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
