I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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