Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize