Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
