actually, I'm a sock model
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
