No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
