Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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