Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
