he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
