I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
