you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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