Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
