I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
