Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
