i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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