I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
