Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
