So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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