when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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