3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize