My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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