I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
