If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
