Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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