I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
