I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
