Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
