I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
