So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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