Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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